Through The Looking Glass

I have no idea how I will manage this. It will probably kill me. And this year I am TAKING IT EASY on gifts. Imagine if I were actually planning to make everything I want to make!

KNITTED

• Viking arming cap, size Sam
• Brunhilda cap, size Dolly
• Halloween Baby Surprise
• Ice Queen smoke ring
• Sammy’s fall sweater
• Niecephew #2’s blankie
• Hanami
• Christmas gift hats
• Mom’s wristwarmers

SEWN

• Bandanna pants
• Viking Tunic, size Dolly
• Advent stockings
• Stockings for the family
• Holiday dish towels (with Wee Wonderfuls Elves)
• Joni’s scarves
• Sammy’s quilt

Plus assorted holiday decorations and a Halloween candy bag. AND I want to make a bunch of stuff for my long-neglected Etsy shop. And a few other gifts.

And when I finish ALL that, assuming I am not DEAD, I can start on my Sunrise Circle Jacket. I have everything but the needles (it is knitted at such a firm gauge that I want Addis) and the buttons (which can wait till it’s finished). It’s going to be the most beautiful jacket ON EARTH.

…And you can bury me in it.

(Please note, I wish to be cremated. Please DO NOT BURN the jacket. It should go to my mother.)

Me: I think I’m going to need new needles. Maybe Addis.

Will: AT-TEs?!

Me: Man, if the Empire made knitting needles…

Sammy is at it again. Remember last time? (Linked post is relatively short. Go read it!)

We have a spiral staircase in our apartment. It is one of the only things I don’t hate! Sam has gone up and down it with no trouble at all since he started crawling. He’s fallen exactly twice, both times from the top (not very far), once when he was very small and once when he was uncharacteristically careless. Lately, though, he’s wanted to be carried or have his hand held. I certainly don’t mind but it seemed odd until his method of walking changed.

(As a totally unnecessary reminder, small children usually put one foot onto the next step and then the other foot next to it before moving on, whereas adults usually do one foot, one stair.)

When we walk up Sam takes the outside. This means the steps are approximately two feet deep! As I shimmy along the six-inch inside of the stair, he lifts his leg allllll the way up and takes TWO STEPS AT A TIME. Then he immediately does the same thing with the other leg.

On the way down, he hops with both feet firmly together.

IT IS SO FUNNY.

Will (on some actor or other): And he’s not even traditionally handsome.

Me: Neither is Brad Pitt! And yet.

Will: Brad Pitt is all charisma. He just has crazy amounts of it.

Me: Yeah, he’s got, like, a 12d12 on charisma.

         …OMG, what do people who don’t game use as their analogies?

All right, I’m about three adventures behind on this one, but it’s a good story.

We went to Pioneer Town for Katherine’s birthday, and as is his usual MO Sammy didn’t feel like sitting but wanted to run out the back door and explore town. We took turns chasing him through the beer garden, across the “street” (unpaved, horse and Harley traffic only), and over toward the Motel.

There was a guy sitting in the beer garden at one of the long tables with a laptop. He had long black hair and a long black beard. Good looking guy, totally intent on his work (possibly uploading photos from a digial SLR). Definitely a biker, but younger than most of the other bikers (who all look exactly like Sam Elliot).

It was my turn to chase Sammy and he’d gotten a head-start. As I passed the table I yelled, “Hey Stinky, wait up!” The biker looked up and said, in a soft voice, “There’s only room for one Stinky in this beer garden, and I was here first.”

After I’d quickly assessed and determined that he wasn’t going to kill me, I figured he was joking, but on Sam’s next lap he and Will stopped and talked to the guy, who has apparently been called Stinky since he was a boy, and may or may not have been so dubbed by his mother.

And that is my awesome story about Stinky.

Hi. You may remember me from such rants and raves as Why Are These Whiners Complaining About The FREE Fail Whale and Gosh These Shoes Are So Nice My Feet Don’t Hurt At All No Wonder They Cost So Much. So I assure you that I understand the adage that you get what you pay for.

THAT SAID.

My son becomes GIDDY whenever his father sets up the web cam. He associates it with Gramma and Grandad and HE LOVES HIS GRAMMA AND GRANDAD. If the goddamn call doesn’t work, he is HEARTBROKEN. I don’t want my son to be heartbroken. I can’t explain to a two year old that the circuits may all be busy (or however this internet phone thing works).

PLEASE GET IT TOGETHER. NOW.

Yours,
Disgruntled

(P.S. Aside, to my parents: I’d bet that Sam could associate Skype with all of his grandparents. Let’s chat more frequently, OK? I’d really love that and I bet Sam would too.)

Day Two:

• Bacon
• A walk on the beach
• Catching the perfect wave (OK, watching the surfers catch the perfect wave)
• Running on the beach
• Working out the kinks in our legs with a soak in the pool and hot tub
• Sushi!
• Marathon viewing of How I Met Your Mother

Day Three (today):

• More bacon
• Lemon tart
• More HIMYM
• Going home

Cassie was a splendid host, as always. Our little Life Of Crime™ was pretty awesome. Next time, though, we’re knocking over a taco stand. Literally or figuratively, either works for me.

I came downstairs from an attempt at getting Sam to nap and found this note:

Monkey–

Cassy + I have run away to TJ.
(note: this does not mean Tijuana)

xxo
–WK

What do you suppose it… oh, never mind. Here they are.

• Up before 7:00 a.m.
• Starbucks coffee run
• Detour to successfully avoid holiday traffic on the 405
• Yarn procured
• Toy Story 2 watched
• Twice
• Two-year-old on big kid swing
• Adult on child play structure
• Photos taken that mama ACTUALLY APPEARS IN
• French fries and cheesy biscuits
• No bedtime

As we prepare to embark on our Life Of Crime™, there are just a few loose ends to tie up and preparations to make.

• Yesterday we washed and vacuumed the car. OK, not exactly. We paid some very nice men to do it for us. It was a Splurge. It was worth it.
• Tonight I put Love & a .45 on while Will put Sammy to bed. It totally got me in the mood. For crime! Ahem.
• Today I made Sammy a little backpack to carry his loot in. I started making it about a year ago, messed up, and let it sit. Stupid! It is really too small now but I am stubborn.
• Made up business cards with our names and “We specialize in risk management.” (Not really.) (But I should.)
• Still to do: polish our boots, brush our hats, and iron creases in our jeans.

See you on the other side.